Update... Needed to get it off my chest!!

I know I just updated this afternoon, but I had to get off my chest what I am feeling right now!! I keep thinking that this has got to be the hardest thing... and then some how something tops the worst feelings. I hate watching Wyatt be taken off to the OR, I hate thinking of him being cut on and uncomfortable, but the pain he experienced with this last surgery was the worst torture a parent could ever go through. I know I have only been a parent for 8 days, but watching what I just did is intolerable.
Wyatt was doing pretty good when he got back from surgery, but his heart rate was a bit high. The surgeons thought he was a little dry and could possibly be in a little bit of pain so they increased his pain meds a little bit and gave him a bolus(big infusion all at once) of pain meds to ease the pain and added on a bolus of fluids to rehydrate him. About 45 minutes after coming back from the OR, the pain medication began to wear off and he started becoming restless as well. His heart was not know only high, but becoming dangerously high. They want an infants heart rate to be between 120-160 and Wyatt's was in the upper 210's even 220's. He is still intubated from the surgery, but he was crying over the vent... just with no noise. Making all the crying faces, pulling up his limbs with agony... silently screaming out. I was so helpless, so useless. He was just begging for relief, and trying to tell someone that he was hurting but couldn't... I cannot imagine how scary that was, how awful that has to be!! I was trying to let him hear my voice and comfort him by my touch and he just kept grimacing in pain.
Again, in the same day, I find myself begging God to give him relief from his pain... to let him rest and heal his wounds. I know I have said this before, but I really need to let my faith take over and know that God is going to take charge and care for him in a way that no one but himself can. It's just so hard to sit here with Wyatt and know he is suffering... I can barley even look at him with breaking down!
He did get more pain medication on board and the nurses and doctors are watching him very closely for signs of pain. I know he is good hands with them, it is just still so hard! Tomorrow is a new day and my little man is the bravest of them all so hopefully we have a better day tomorrow!!
Until next time....

Cannot wait until we are back here!!!!!