Update: 6-26-13, AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!?!

So, today has been another one of those days in the NICU. They always start off good, we are in a good place and then the bomb drops. Wyatt had a wonderful day of rest yesterday and great labs today, we got to decrease the CPAP machine a little bit this morning which is always a good step in the right direction. I missed rounds this morning because I was getting ready to go to my follow up appointment and then was at the appointment for the second set of rounds. When I returned, my mom had been sitting with Wyatt while I was gone, and she told me that they were taking him at 1 to do an upper GI study because the morning x-ray was still showing some air in his stomach. Mom said that the doctors told her that they weren't overly concerned, just wanted to start trying to figure out why this 'air' pocket wouldn't go away despite the surgery and the suction tube running continuously from his stomach.
I knew, when she said that they were taking him for testing, that something was wrong. I had somewhat wondered if there was something going on with the stomach because it was always discussed, even though it wasn' and 'issue' but figured the air would just start going away. I got to have some snuggle time with Mr. Man before he went down to the test. We started holding him yesterday, skin to skin... has to be the most amazing feeling a person can experience!! When the RN came and took him to the testing she put him in his isolette, and watching him roll down the hall with only oxygen and a pulse ox monitor on... no ambu bag waiting for him or ET tube connected to a vent I was very proud of him. He had made so much progress, but now this new 'issue' was looming over us and I was so scared of what it could be. So scared it would take away all of the good steps we had made.
They brought Wyatt back to the room about an hour later, and the RN told me that Dr. Vane would be in to discuss what they had found. When he did, it felt like a punch in the gut, after being knocked down and kicked in the gut. Wyatt has a VERY rare condition/anomaly that is called an antral/gastric web (possible duodenal atresia, but the surgeon was 90% sure it is the web). I do not even fully understand what this means myself, even though Dr. Vane tried explaining it and I looked it up. The best way I can describe it is little pocket of the stomachs lining that has bulged out into a pocket and is blocking contents from moving into his intestines from his stomach all the way. SOME air and stomach contents are moving into the intestines which is why he is pooping and not fully distended in his abdomen, but the blockage is not allowing everything out so air and mucous are building up. The surgical team states this is a relatively easy repair, and while they are in the OR they will place a G tube (feeding tube in Wyatt's stomach) and take his appendix out so that will not be a concern later on down the road and hopefully prevent Wyatt from yet another surgery.
It's not that I do not have faith in these doctors, or that I am questioning that this has to be done. It's just so hard to stomach Wyatt having to go back on the vent, back on the pain meds, get cut open FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A WEEK, and on top of all those emotions my RN head starts rolling with all the complications that could arise from a 'relativley easy repair surgery' and I crumble with fear and anxiety for my little, innocent, precious baby boy. I have come to feel that the OR is the 'bad place' and if we can just keep Wyatt in his room with us, not cut open, that everything will be fine. I know this is completely ludicrous but when they take my baby away from me and his future is uncertain it is the worst feeling a person could ever go through!! Feels like someone is pulling my stomach and heart out of my mouth and stomping on them.
I sit here now, on my 'bed' in the NICU room watching Wyatt rest calmly and just beg God to keep him safe and have him come back to me tomorrow after surgery. My prayers have become begging sessions. After the horriffic night/day of the second surgery I have started praying with Wyatt every night out of his childrens bible. We say one prayer of the day out of the book and then we say the Lords prayer every night before bed... I tell Wy Wy to talk to God and I know in some strange way he does and that God talks to him through all of these tough, scary times. I know everyone says that infants do not remember these traumatic experiences, but I cannot imagine what he feels or thinks when they get him that cold OR room and he knows that last two times he has been there he has woke up in pain, with a new wire or tube sticking out of some where... it has go to be awful and as his mom I HATE that I cannot do anything for him.
I need to sto typing about this 'faith' I have and really let it take over... know that God will give the surgeons and nurses the knowledge and talent to get my baby boy through this battle. That God has a great plan for Wyatt and we are just on a stepping stone right now, This is so hard and trying that sometimes I just don't know how to do that . I guess this is where we give in and allow God to take the lead.
I will try to keep everyone posted on how tomorrow goes, may not be the first thing we do after surgery but we will try. Keep the prayers coming, Wyatt needs them!!
Until next time....