Update 38 weeks 3 days

Seemed like a pretty uneventful appointment today. His BPP and NST were great. LHR is 1.8, but like we were told last week, this is being measured by different people and it is very difficult to measure this far along in the pregnancy... so we are not focusing on that but focusing on the fact that we have a strong, feisty little man to meet soon. I am not having any contractions per the monitors so we did not check for dilation or effacement this time. Instead, we wait until Sunday to see if he will make an appearance on his own or if he will need some help with induction.
Everyone said I would start getting very anxious and uncomfortable the last couple of weeks, and I was starting to not believe them because I had made it to 38 weeks and was doing great.... then Monday hit. I feel absolutely awful and selfish for saying that I am uncomfortable or hurting because of our situation!! It is hard for me to realize that I am still a human and this part of pregnancy is HARD, and my nerves mixed with hormones mixed with aches and pains mixed with more nerves are starting to get the best of me. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Sunday night, but I will keep trucking along until 'D-day' arrives... Hopefully I can keep it together until then, so I still have some strength left to get through delivery and move onto the real challenges we have to face.
We went to lunch after my appointment today and there was a couple sitting close to us with a newborn baby girl. I am one of those people (even before pregnancy) that is pulled towards babies; always wanting to look at them and fantasize how awesome it will be when I have my own little baby to love on and hold and be a new mommy. My mom was watching the couple and baby and saying how cute she was. Which she was, but all I felt was envy and jealousy. I know I am getting ready to have my own, sweet baby boy... but I wont get to have those first days of his to myself or to share with family... I will be fighting with my new born in a NICU and I am feeling bitter about that : ( I hate to be like that and I hate to have these feelings, but like I said these nerves/hormones are starting to get the best of me and showing an ugly side. I'm just praying that God can give me the strength to put those feelings aside and enjoy all the times I have with Wyatt, NICU or not...
On a more upbeat side, we only have 4 days left until we meet Mr. Wyatt : )... So, until Sunday